Can We Make Networking Less Awkward?

Even if you’re an extrovert, networking is effortful. And for introverts, it can be downright painful.

Networking is on my mind as we get ready for upcoming in person events at Million Dollar Women. Later this week we are hosting our monthly virtual networking event where women from across the country meet each other and network on Zoom and then we have a panel roundtable a week later with 40 women signed up

In a recent paenl on ambitious and authentic networking I shared my tried and true ACE networking strategy, designed to reduce anxiety and be more purposeful and intentional with your connections. This will work for meeting people online, in person or any combination of the two. It will work when you get to know the other parents at your child’s school, it will work at the next conference you attend and it will work at professional gatherings of any kind.

A is for Authentic, C is for Customized, and E is for Extended.

A - AUTHENTIC

Being AUTHENTIC is the key to successful networking. You likely don’t remember the people you met at a party or conference who just said, “Hi, I’m head of Human Resources,” or “My company does branding and marketing.”

The person you might remember is the person who told you they just got a call from their spouse back home, and their 3 year-old fell and sprained his arm, and now this person is scrambling trying to figure out how to manage it from Las Vegas at the trade show. Or the person who told you, “This is my first networking event in over a year. I’m kind of nervous. If I say anything dumb, will you let me know?” and laughs.

Those are the people you will remember, because they shared authentically. It can feel uncomfortable to share authentically, almost like you’re breaking the rules of business networking, but in fact it’s a way to make each interaction more personal and memorable.

Whether or not you create an ongoing relationship with this person, you will show up as a full human being, and other people really appreciate that. It also gives them permission to show up as their full selves.

C - CUSTOMIZED

Handing out a bunch of cards or sending unwanted follow-up marketing materials doesn’t work anymore, if it ever did. This is the age of customization. Check your inbox -- most emails say, “Dear [your first name].” And if you can’t have your coffee with one pump of vanilla and soy not oat milk steamed, then forget it, you’re going somewhere else for your coffee.

How can you customize your interactions with each of the people you meet?

You can study in advance who’s attending (if you can get this list), look people up, and think about things you could talk to them about when you meet them.

When you do meet people, ask beyond the surface questions. For example, if they share, “I just started a new job,” you could ask, “What are you most excited about, and what are you least excited about?” That way you get a customized view of what matters to them and not just their name and a title.

Make sure to capture some notes about what you’ve heard, like if they’re about to change jobs or move cities or their daughter’s going off to college. These are all things you could write down, at first just in a note in your phone or even record a voice memo like I did to write this article.

E - EXTENDED

Studies show that the more times you see someone, the more you like them. This is called the "Mere-Exposure Effect" or the familiarity principle, and it describes the tendency for people to like things the more familiar they are with them.

For example, have you ever noticed that you’re more likely to strike up a conversation with the woman you see in pilates once a week, not because you’re so sure you’re meant to be besties but because from seeing her over and over again you start to feel like you know her? That is the Mere-Exposure principle at work.

So how do you extend your networking interactions? Make sure that if you think you have something in common with someone or that they should be a part of your network, find ways to follow up.

If you talked about how you’re both confused about AI, send them a little article you found that reminded you of the conversation in a follow up email. If they’re in the same town as you, invite them to join you for a benefit or other event you are attending. Or you could just send a quick email with, “Hey it was great to meet you. Would you like to hop on a call and see how we can support each other?”

If you were to see someone who was quite well known at a conference, like the chief marketing officer of a big company, and you would like to do work with them, the first time you approach them at a conference you will be an unknown party to them. But if you connect with them authentically in person first with customized questions, then extend your interactions on social media, or even better through email, then the next time you show up at a conference, you would be a more known party and have a better chance of having that conversation. And of getting a chance to present to them or be considered when the next hiring happens!

To sum up, be AUTHENTIC in your conversations, CUSTOMIZE your approach to each person, and EXTEND each interaction by following up and finding other opportunities to get to know them. Try ACE Networking at your next gathering and if you are coming to one of ours, see you there!